why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
