So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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