kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
