Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize