My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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