he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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