I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
