I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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