You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
