If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
