I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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