he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
