i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
