As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
