the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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