my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
