I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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