I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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