i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
