I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this just has baby written all over it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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