Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
