You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
