and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
