Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
