I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
