If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
