I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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