I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
