69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am available for nakedness
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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