i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
