Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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