Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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