I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
