Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
