You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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