just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
