Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
vagina is talking i cant
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
