You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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