gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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