k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You are the jesus of drinking
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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