Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
