got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
