You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
