sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
