do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
