At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
