You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
