Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize