I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
