All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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