she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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