At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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