One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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