it's great music for shaving your balls
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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