Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think a kid would responsible me up
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
