The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
