Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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