It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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