i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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