I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
