We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
