Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
