Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
