words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
