When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
