My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This baby is an asshole
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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