I want to make a zoo with you.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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