Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
