There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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