I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
