Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
