and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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