in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
