I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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