Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
