You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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