just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
