Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize