I accidentally had phone sex last night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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