I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
