Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
