Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
