I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
