your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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