so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do herpes really smell.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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