So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
