I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
