why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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