i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
