i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
