Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
